Disclaimer: this post comes to you, unedited, after a couple of glasses of wine on a Sunday afternoon.
I am a blogger who loves other people’s blogs. I spend hours every week reading my bloglovin feed, watching YouTube videos or obsessively scrolling through Instagram. Being so interested in other blogs could lead to damaging comparisons but, fortunately, I don’t really get too caught up on comparing myself to others as I have never really fitted into the norm.
My first day of primary school I had on a tiny blazer, grey pleated skirt, frilly socks and my blonde hair was cut into a neat bob and I don’t mind saying that I looked adorable. I turned on my pretty patent Clarks shoes and made my way up the garden path to start my new adventure only to reveal my (almost as big as me) black and bright green Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles backpack.
What is the point in this story? Well, even at the age of 5 I was confusing people. First off, being me worked out to my advantage: the girls loved my shoes with the secret key in the sole, the boys thought my rucksack was cool and the fact I knew everything there was to know about Donatello was even cooler.
As we grow so does peoples self awareness and sadly my quirky taste which made me popular at 5 made me a freak by the time I was 15.
High school is a nightmare for a lot of people; it is a period where everyone is trying to find out who they are and some teenagers do this by deflecting their negative feelings about themselves onto others.
It is tough being taunted for being a weirdo when you are just trying to be yourself but, ultimately, battling to find my identity has made me much more self aware and other people’s negativity has built the foundations to my signature ‘fuck it’ attitude.
The ups and downs of other people’s judgement also taught me that I am happiest when I am simply being me as opposed to trying to meet other’s expectations. Accepting that I am a unique character is empowering but still makes me question where I fit in with the world in general but also within the blogosphere.
Despite their varying genres the blogs I follow seem to have a much stronger style than I do, and whether through writing, glossy photography, or video they emulate a certain confidence. I on the other hand have very little idea what I am doing and simply plod along churning out content in the hope that no one notices I am completely winging it. Maybe this is how we all really feel but with so many blogging rules and commandments springing up there is perhaps a certain pressure to look like we have our shit together.
I have also noticed a growing number of posts that talk about the person behind the blog. This is mind blowing to me as my online life is very much a mirror image of my real life. These types of blog posts got me thinking, have I got it all wrong? Should I have created a more composed ‘me’ for the Internet? Is that the thing that makes me different from the bloggers I love to read? How do people do it? I have a hard enough time working out what order to put up Instagram images so my grid doesn’t look like a random pile of pictures I happened to have found on my phone,let alone having the self constraint to put a filtered version of me on the web.
It is like when people ask me what I blog aboutmy answer is usually something like ‘erm just lifestyle shit I find interesting mainly London, travel, fashion and random things I am thinking” I know it would be easier for people to follow the world of Emma Inks if it was a bit more organised but being focussed has never really been my forte. My mind races constantly with ideas, doubts and wonderment and that is why I write some of it down here. Sharing a little bit of the chaos that goes on in my mind helps me to be more clear and articulate my thoughts instead of them being an overwhelming jumbled mess in my head.
Thankfully there are people out there who share actual nuggets of wisdom, like Frankie who said to succeed at blogging “You can be either useful or amazing, but you must be interesting.”. I try to be useful by sharing my experiences but, to be honest, I am a bit of a jack of all trades and a master of none, so I am not sure how useful I am.
Maybe learning from all my mishaps is helpful in a way as you guys will know how not to do things. As for being amazing, I think most bloggers want to create content that is engaging and truly their own and I hope that at least some of you find me interesting.
I look at other peoples beautifully curated blogs and social media and feel in awe of their organisation and talent. I look at the white backgrounds, clean bed sheets with cups of tea in hand, brightly coloured flat lays, perfect makeup and the grunge girls that ooze giving no fucks realness, but when I try to take inspiration from any of these things it looks try hard and inauthentic. I never want to come across as a cheap imitation of anyone else so have no other option than to just do me and hope that my unique qualities are relatable to at least someone else.
I don’t really know where or how to fit in or if I am doing things the right way but isn’t that truly what makes the Internet such a fascinating place? Isn’t there room for every kind of person to express themselves?