After much anticipation the day finally arrived where Charlie, Katy and I were road tripping up north to Leeds for the Bloggers Blog Awards. I have already fessed up to you guys about getting nominated for Best New Blogger on the Block; I had a complete crisis of confidence and the anxiety only got worse the closer we got to Leeds.
This time it was not the typical anxiety I get at social events but a severe case of imposter syndrome. I felt like there was so much talent, not only nominated in the Bloggers Blog Awards but in the blogosphere in general, that I was a fake that I didn’t deserve to be there.
Not even having some of my best blogging buddies by my side could ease my anxiety, and I was such a mess as we turned up to the venue. I even turned down my processco welcome drink, which is the opposite of what I am usually like in a social situation.
This was the point in the afternoon where we had the opportunity to mingle with our fellow bloggers but, honestly, I just couldn’t. I felt like I was having an outer body experience, I really wanted to engage but I was stuck. After bumbling my way awkwardly around the room and taking what felt like a million trips to the bathroom it was time for the award ceremony to commence.
Miss Pond and I took a seat in the front row like true fangirls, it was so lovely to see how humble all the amazing award winners were and I was especially a fan of Vix’s poem. I also felt so incredibly proud of my girl Katy for getting two awards! I know how hard Katy works on her blog and Instagram. She has been such a constant support to my blog from the beginning, so even though we take the piss out of her for being such an over achiever it comes from a place of love and admiration.
As soon as it was announced that I got highly commended in my category it was like a switch went off in my head and I felt the excitement and pride I should have been feeling since the nominations were announced. Before this point I could not shake the feeling I did not belong (something that I have battled with since I was a child) but the fact that people not only took the time to nominate me but also vote was an incredible achievement. I was also genuinely happy for Katy Belle who won my category because just one of the benefits of the awards was finding her stunning blog, which is a new favourite of mine.
Feeling much more like myself I joined in with drinking and happily mingled, which hopefully made up for my even weirder than usual behaviour at the start of the awards.
After the raffle prizes were announced we all began to filter out and make our way for some food or to continue the party. Struggling with mental health is such a physical drain and I felt exhausted so I was so relieved when the girls were all happy to grab a quick curry, and then head home to snuggle up and watch a movie.
Hayley did such an incredible job putting together the Bloggers Blog Awards, and if any of the online haters who have tried to shit on the event had actually been in that room they would have seen for themselves there were no hints of it being a popularity contest, only a bunch of people with a passion for sharing content online.
I am not a hugely emotional person but I am so grateful for the people that Emma Inks has brought into my life and how it has helped me grow personally. I really want to thank everyone for their love and support because without knowing it you have made a massive impact on my life.