New Year is a great time to reflect, but resolutions aren’t for me. My brain doesn’t work with structure and I have finally stopped playing by other people’s rules. Writing a list doesn’t make me want to achieveme more but instead makes me anxious that I haven’t done enough. So, rather than using the passing of another year as a time to work out what I want to achieve, I instead work on continuous improvement. This is harder to judge and often isn’t tangible in the same way as a list, but works for me.
My priority is simply to be happy, an easier task than it may seem.
The things that make me happiest are: travel, spending time with friends and loved ones, being creative, eating, learning, and being myself. Sounds simple, right? But if it were that easy we would be happy all the time.
Life is a complicated balancing act between what we want, what is expected of us, and what is psycally and financially possible. Yearly goals don’t work for me because all of this with added time pressures overwhelms my chaotic brain so I take things at my own pace instead.
Due to my depression and anxiety issues I always have a voice in my head that says “you’re not good enough” and resolutions make this worse. Anything I ticked off my list of goals made me feel like I was an imposter and those I hadn’t completed made me feel like a failure.
Now I plod along trying to live the best I can, taking each day at a time and at the end of the year I take the time to look at what I have achieved, big or small.
In 2016 I seemed to have just plodded along happily which is a big deal for me; usually I am up and down all over the place and though 2016 has not been kind, personally I have made small strides in making my life happier and healthier.
- I have travelled.
- I have been surrounded by the most amazing people.
- Eaten out way more than I should
- Spent another year in a loving relationship.
- I have found a love for working out and have embraced cycling in London.
- I’ve maintained a YouTube channel uploading at least once a week that has now transformed into two.
- I have had bad mental health days but there have been less of them and I’ve recovered quickly.
- I started drawing again.
- I make big, risky moves at work.
- I told people what I wanted instead of hoping that my dreams will come true.
- I don’t have to wear headphones everywhere anymore (I still do) this is a massive move forward with my social anxiety.
- I came second in the new blogger category at the Bloggers’ Blog Awards.
So, instead of taking the end of the year as a time to set goals for the next I choose to reflect on the good things that have happened in the year before I wave it goodbye. I’m a huge believer in self improvement but I think it also good to admit I’m happy with who I am right now and I’m just going to keep living the best way I can.