So there has a been a serious lack of blogging this week mainly dude to the fact that my Monday mood board would have ended up being more of a moody board, and no one needs that kind of negativity to start the working week.
I occasionally have one of these mid twenties meltdowns where I end up in a continuous loop of questioning “What am I actually doing with my life?”. Now, I know that I have very little to complain about: I have a great job in an awesome city, I am in a steady and (more importantly) happy relationship and I am surrounded by supportive friends and family. The awareness that I have it so good adds to my frustration as I don’t want to be ungrateful but cant deny to myself that, in spite of all this, there is something missing.
The major issue is working out what this mystery void is. I look at other people’s lives and briefly ponder if marriage and children are the thing that is missing, everyone else that is at that this stage in their life seem so blissfully happy. That thought usually only lasts for a second or two before I begin to feel nauseous, though it works for so many other people I would only be getting married or having kids to conform to social normality. Distracting myself from the actual problem would ultimately result in me ending up right back to where I was at the beginning of this week and where I have been many times before.
When I talk to others about my existential crisis they always ask, “So what is it you want to do? or “If you could do anything in the world what would it be?” my answer … “I just want to travel, hang out and meet people”, which usually warrants the response “Yeah but what do you want to do as an actual job?”.
Travel is seriously the only thing that I can see myself doing forever, it is what I find the most rewarding, challenging, educational, inspiring and is where I feel most myself.
Drawing from this I have been massively tempted to put whatever I can into a rucksack and go on an adventure; but in my maturity I realise that I can’t just abandon ship and run away every time I get bored or frustrated. As I have learned from the past at some point the adventure ends and the problem remains.
After much soul searching I have come to the conclusion that what I love about travel ultimately comes down to the feeling of freedom. So how do I remain free whilst still paying the bills? I have an idea which with A LOT of hard work and challenges which will hopefully unfold over the next year.
This master plan, if successful, will be the vehicle to enable me to combine passions without the everyday restrains that I find so suffocating. Watch this space to see how my latest exploit pans out…